I can tell myself it isn't. But it is. Its too much sometimes. The last few weeks have been really heartbreaking in my community, and probably in yours if you live in CA and have any empathy what-so-ever.
The Fires. The Death. The Destruction. The lack of Social Connection. The kids not in School. The Political Ugliness. The Frustration of Lack of Distraction.
I thought I was handling it well. Actually, I knew I wasn't, but I was really trying to believe I was/am. I did know that I was biting my husbands head off. I was distracted when trying to listen to my kids. I have not been nourishing my body like it needs. I am working out when my body is hurting. My back was tight and I was having a tough time falling asleep.
But I am a helper. I base a great deal of esteem in believing that.
So its difficult to step into the space of needing support, and reaching for it. Instead, I get angry about the overworked, underpaid, suffering people I see in my practice. Their suffering seems greater, more important than my own needs. I tell them all the time, "it's okay to need", "it's important to take care of yourself, no one else will", " the system will find someone to fill in for you". And, that is hypocritical apparently.
There it is. I said it. Now to move forward.